#WordsMatter

In 1993 Queen Latifah released an album called Black Reign, this disc birthed the song U.N.I.T.Y, which pregnated society with more contemporary discourse regarding the word B***h. Not only did it win a Grammy in 1995, but it challenged the moral consciousness of urban America by discussing the issues of street harassment, domestic violence, and slurs against women in hip-hop culture.

 

Every generation we seem to notice a fecundity of people that are liberated by the tongue with their use of the word b****h, especially from those that happen to be male. One can argue that even when women attempt at reclaiming the word they are still in a sense reinforcing sexismn and patriarchy in which the word derives from. However, I feel that when we try to reprimand women for their usage we begin to commit erasure against the oppressive nature in which men use the word. 

 

Folklores taught us, ‘stick and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt me,’ which happens to promote a dangerous narrative. We must begin to teach that words aren't coterminous with physical pain. Words matter! Too often we focus on a litany of arguments that focus on the images that our presented, while ignoring the words that are associated with them. Images are meaningless when we extract the words that become ingrained in our heads when we view them. Images become osmosis in how we encapsulate on the meaning of words and the subjects that they are related to. How we identify words are salient to our generally consensus of identity, the term bitch may seem innocuous on the surface, but it erases the existential permanence of a woman's being. 

 

We live in not only a nation, but a world that is male-dominated and that provides spaces  of authority that are generally reserved for men. One can always argue that women are rapidly creating individual agency and occupying spaces that were prehistorically reserved for males, even though patriarchy isn’t explicit at times and can come off as innocuous, it’s very legerdemain in its functions. When things are centered around the male guise then everything that is masculine is considered normal, good, and the unequivocal standard. Even if you’re not explicitly referring to a woman as bitch, if you subordinate a woman to a man made restriction you may not be calling her that epithet, but you are treating her like one. So, even though all men may not be in higher positions than all women, patriarchy reinforces this notion that they are their superior. So when we look at how the word bitch is articulated from a sociological context on the premise of patriarchy and within the constraints of the inequalities that women face we begin to understand how words operate on a functional equivalence to that of physical harm that women also endure. 

 

Words aren’t just messages that can be jotted down on a piece of paper or heard through a radio, but words can make or break the self-esteem of a person. So when we look at the words queen, women, girls, and female they are seem to describe essentially the same thing. In a sense they do that, but when we look at each word individually and begin to a create a more concrete analysis we begin to notice their subtle difference and the nuances amongst them. Queen can describe a woman of royalty, or of a high social apparatus. A woman is generally used to describe a lady that is of an adult age, while girls is used to identify groups of ladies that are young. When we look at the word female it doesn’t define a human in absolute terms, but instead it can describe any organism that happens to be female. So we look at the word bitch, people always attempt to justify its meaning. Some will argue that all women aren’t bitches, and if a woman knows she isn’t one then she has no reason to be offended. From an etymological perspective the word bitch was used to describe female foxes, otters, and most knowingly, dogs. No matter how we view man’s proverbial best friend, at the end of the day man and the dog knows that they don’t eat at the same table. Once we commit to allowing women to be acknowledge by something other than human then we begin to erase their human nature and deplete their existence. We are using words as a way to systematically erase them. Sociology teaches that the more names we have for things shows how much value they have, but by having several words that are derogatory towards women we also showing how much we feel they are beneath us. 

 

In this system of patriarchy that emcompasses us, bitch can seen as the lowest of lows, even when it’s not directly referred to a woman it is also referred to moments of destitute and sexual slavery. In rap we often hear how bitch is used as a metaphor or a colloquialism for troubles  of life. Whether if it’s Nas articulating about how Life’s A Bitch, or Kanye speaking on how life is a bitch and he wants to make  it cum. Either bitches make our life difficult, or they are used for some sort of sexual gratification. Even when Pac metaphorically spoke on song, “Me & My Bitch,” a song in which bitch was used as colloquialism for a gun, a gun in which he had property ownership of. 

 

In the previous examples that are talked about those uses of the word bitch were for ownership, struggle, and dominance. 

 

When we look at this term we must be perspicacious in how it works as a machination in how women are viewed and valued. Previously I talked about how people, men especially attempt to argue that women shouldn’t get offended if they know they are not bitches, but the language predisposes you to believe a certain type of value is attached to the person in question. For example what makes a woman a bitch or a non-bitch? What factors are at play that allow you to determine how one is defined. In most instances it seems as those these labels are attached to women once they step outside of the boundaries or realms of what men expect of them. Women can be referred as such when they don't cooperate with men, or ones that are seen as manipulative and deviant in why they are attracted to certain men. When bitch is used synonymously with the word women, this makes females looked at as something that must be conquered. 

 

This essay is just an abstract of bigger issues that revolved around a word that was uncomfortable for me write because of the social implications that it places on women in the context of patriarchy and heteronormativity. I took a personal vow that i would never refer to any person, especially any woman by this term because of my hatred for it. Even though in writing I reference it, I however refuse to speak it. I remember in elementary school, I probably was in the third grade when I first referred to a classmate as one in conversation with a male counterpart. I had no issue with her, but as child the proverbial cool thing to do was to treat girls like the grass beneath your shoe, but looking back in retrospect I am still ashamed for that choice of language because it was random and even till this day I have no justification for it. Even though no reasons exist for me to use it period, on that day after school it flowed off of my lips very causally. In a sense at the young of an age I became desensitized to the word. 

 

Even though words change and carry different connotations that word is still deep rooted in hurt, trauma, and desecration. Sexism in the world has become the norm, even though women are making great strides within the male consciousness we as men are still allowing those tears that women have cried to turn into sexist oceans that we swim in freely. How can we fight for freedom for all when we ignore the lack of liberation for some? Words matter, bitch still promotes the notion that women are different from men and will always remain his proverbial best friend. Good enough to love, pet, care for, but never good enough to eat from the same table from him. Bitches are only allowed his scraps.

The Pain in Being A Strong Black Woman

As an adult I still cannot think of time where I witnessed my mother crying, I know we all exert all internal pain in times of sorrow and pain, but it seems as though she would never allow anyone to see in her a vulnerable place. I’ve never seen my mother exhibit frustration unless it was with her disappointment in me. Back then I placed the onus of her anger on me, instead I’m beginning to realize that it may a direct frustration with her, in the belief that she may have failed. Even though my father was avid in my life he wasn’t in the household, my living space was matriarchal. His presence was felt, but she was still the point guard of my residence.  

Since the 60’s leading into the 70’s black households have increasingly been headed by a woman, and even before the 60’s black mothers bore the responsibility of taking care of homes during slavery with little help as well.  Many factors are at play when you look at the increased number of single parent households nationally, not just in the segment of black households, but throughout all races in America.  Historically black women have taken on the roles of superheroes. As heads of these modern households, they are wearing hats that they traditionally they shouldn’t fit; holding down a full-time job(s) (sometimes multiple ones), bearing the sole responsibility of raising boys to men and girls into women. Not only are these single mothers supposed to be nurturers, but they are also ourprotectors.

Just like in previous generations, black women in today’s generation have grown up with the assumption that they have to play a superhero role in a society where they have to show their strength all the time and not show any signs of vulnerabilities. Superheroes should only exist in comic books and in movies, but by taking on this heroic role black women are cheating themselves out of a life normalcy and complete happiness.

By taking on the superhero “I can do it on my own” persona you sacrifice taking care of your own needs. We as a black community have imprisoned many of our sisters into these roles instead of letting them be free to define who they truly can be instead of the infamous single mother of two who has to work 2-3 jobs just to keep the lights on. Before we can even look at ways of fixing these roles that we have trapped a lot of these women into we have to see those factors that have led to the hardened black feminine superhero figure.

It would be dishonest not to acknowledge other determining factors such as mass incarceration, unemployment, and economic disparities as factors that place women into these roles; we must be honest in how we don’t allow safe spaces for black women to be vulnerable in expressing grief. They are expected to not only be the backbone to their families, but they must also the bear the burden of being the heartbeat as well. Black women are required to nurture everyone and provide shoulders for relief, but who are they allowed to turn to in their moment of despair?

I can recall times visiting love ones who happened to be locked up and being astounded by the things that I’ve witnessed in the visiting room. I can always recall seeing men being visited by their significant others every time that I visited an inmate. No matter how long their bid was someone who they loved romantically always made a conscience effort to be there, even if all they could provide was just a loving touch or the glimpse ofhope that someone still cared. The times that I spent visiting female inmates revealed something quite different, these black women rarely, if at all had their male counterparts there. Even though I didn’t do field interviews for these women, it would be hard to believe that these women didn’t feel abandoned. Black women are the fastest rising group when we look at the rate of mass incarceration, but they still aren’t shown the same compassion that black males receive. The shoulders that they provide are reciprocated with cold ones.

We must ask ourselves why she feels the need to be the strong and put on this mask of a strong heroic woman. Under that mask of strength, fearlessness, and confidence could be a woman that grew up fatherless, one that was raped, abused, or had to be the witness of a mother that was abused physically or emotionally by a significant other. A lot of these issues that many women try to hide are usually the determent factors of their character. Many of our sisters are covered in smiles that conceal broken hearts, fear of failure, and despair.

Too often the usage of the word strong is used to treat black women as super human because we have this false epistemological belief that they can endure more pain than the average human being. While it can be argued that black women endure the most abuse than any other group on earth, which however makes it easier for physical, emotional, and physiological abuse to be inflicted upon them. This notion to be strong for the sake of their blackness, families, and communities turns them into warriors who at the end of the day cannot even be honest with themselves of the trauma that they are experiencing. This type of pain begins to become normalized which in turns takes away from the opportunity for it to be medicalized. While as a community these feats of heroism are celebrated amongst black women, we however turn a blind eye to the issues that ultimately put them in these compromising binds. Instead of creating spaces were black women are allowed to roam freely, we instead put them into these unrealistic expectations of struggle that we assert onto our women as a rite of passage.

Black women are required to make a dollar out of 15 cents, and even when income inequality is discussed amongst men and women the disparities that black women face are generally always erased from the conversation. While we consistently talk about how white women make 77 cents for every dollar that a white man makes, we however forget to acknowledge that black women only make 64 cents.  A black woman’s voice should be heard, instead of it being silenced. They are deemed strong enough to make a way and tough enough to constantly shrug off the discrimination that they face. The strength of a black woman should be used a mechanism for progression, not used as crutch to excuse discrimination.

While we understand that being black and being female in a world that functions under the system of white male patriarchy is challenging because they are trapped within the margins ofmultiple oppressions simultaneously. We expect black women to encamp themselves to a singular group, which perpetuates this notion of black women taking care of everyone, but themselves. When we ask black women to tackle gender issues, their race is generally marginalized, however when they are asked to fight for a race issue then they are asked to dismiss their femininity because it compromises the current grapple that is ensuing. The issue is that we can’t expect someone to give their self to others with any reciprocity to themselves. For these women who are forced to be the backbone and heartbeat to communities we pass on these beliefs to younger generations that the strength of black women is not intended to be beneficial to them, but only as value to others around them.  

We must ask ourselves why we view the black women in ourlives as strong; whether they are our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, teachers, wives, girlfriends and even our fictive kin. Where does this admiration come from? Too often we focus on their triumphs and we don’t exhibit any compassion concerning their struggle. Black women are looked at as individuals who wear bullet proof vests, while others run at the sight of gunfire, black women are expected to face these bullets that life shoots atthem with full force.  So instead of focusing on their personal wounds they must put a Band-Aid on and focus on being teachers, nurses, counselors, psychologists, mothers and cooks to the community.  

In addition to everything else that comes with the territory weallocate less time for black women to grieve and suffer because their agony is deemed less important because of the erroneous expectations that we place upon them. We only care about sprinters crossing the finish line, but we never speak about the painful training and work regiments that are perquisites for these accomplishments.

Why we applaud black women for all that they have to endure and their ability, I feel it’s disingenuous not ask what we can do about the scars they receive. When do we allow these women a shoulder to cry on, an ear that will listen, and a heart that will beat for them? When will we remove the load off of their back instead of requesting that they build stronger backs? By allowing these mythological notions of black women believing that must be strong this allows them to underappreciated, overworked, and exploited just because these burdens have been placed on them historically.

Black women need to be afforded the opportunity to cry and grieve openly without being shamed to the degree that feel that they’ve not only let their community, gender, race, and families down, but ultimately themselves down.

Even though “strong” black women have produced college graduates, upstanding citizens, and progressed our communities while many of our black men were strung out on drugs, walked away, or populated the prison systems it seems that the “the strong black woman” has done more hurt to herself and left her own personal happiness unfilled. Even when the world seems to be against her she still manages to find compassion to propel not only her house, community, but the world.

Loving Black Women in Public

“Tell them about the dream Martin,” words yelled by Mahalia Jackson from her seat in 1963 at the March on Washington. “Black Lives Matter,” a popular slogan created by Alicia Garza, Patrisse Cullors, and Opal Tometi. Two of those ladies who happen to be queer.

 

I love to see women take individual or collective agency for themselves, but it becomes a revolutionary love once you see black men praise and defend them openly in an unapologetic manner. Cornel West often states that justice is what love looks like in public. I would take it a step further and profess that respect and love are truly expressed when they are unequivocally expressed to those who try to diminish or dwarf it. Too often black women are treated as singular human beings, instead of within a multifaceted context. They are expected to focus solely on their blackness, while sacrificing their womanhood to devote their attention to racial issues that in most instances exclude them from being acknowledged in the forefront.

 

When we focus on the current movement that people across the nation are fighting for in regards to brutality by the hands of police and vigilantes the names of Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray, Walter Scott, Akai Gurley, Dontre Hamilton, John Crawford III, Ezell Ford, Phillip White, Eric Harris et al come to mind.  One of the underlying problematic thing that’s troubling with those victims is not only that they were killed, but we seemed to erase black women from the narrative. As a community when we are fighting oppression, we at times oppress others within our own community, simultaneously. Sometimes as men it’s a hard truth to grasp and grapple with. Black men know the struggles that we have to endure daily at the hands of stereotypes, systemic racism and white supremacy, but we often have a blind eye to the oppression in our own home.

 

While we see countless images of black women showing up on the frontlines bearing witness to our struggles for our men and boys, we don’t demonstrate that same assertiveness when it’s their lives that are on the line and we don’t show up in the same capacity. The names of Rekia Boyd, Aiyanna Jones, Yvette Smith, Pearlie Golden, Tarika Wilson, Shantel Davis, Tyisha Miller, Kathryn Johnston, Alexia Chrstian et al seemed to go unnoticed. We allow these names to get erased from our memory and dismissed from the narrative of Black Lives Matter. As black men we don’t just bear the responsibility of loving black women in private, but we must remonstrate our cognitive wiring to animadvert their oppression so that they know and feel that they are loved in public.  

 

In Malcolm X’s famous speech, Who Taught you to Hate Yourself he extemporaneously stated, “The most disrespected woman in America, is the black woman. The most un-protected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman.” When we create a culture of ignoring the violence against women that occurs simultaneously to the violence that is levied upon us we give others the go-ahead to commit these atrocities because the abusers know they will go unchecked, whether the perpetrator is white or nonwhite. Black men telling black women to sit down in the same manner that Mahalia Jackson was treated during The March of Washington is not only disconcerting, but it creates a convoluted movement that causes black women to experience cognitive dissonance because they are told their blackness matters, but just not in the scope of priority when it comes to the thinking process of black men.

 

Black oppression has no gender, since we live in a patriarchal society we give these movements male attributes to provide a sense of self-identification. When we uphold the masculine constructs and refuse to allow women prominent roles and visibility within the canon we don't allow black women to be viewed in a conterminous way with black men. When we allow this shifting in our paradigms we begin to excavate the very notions that we uphold of what a black woman’s role is. So when we look at our women we must not just limit them to being trophy pieces, instead when must vociferously assert their intelligence, strength , and leadership into the forefront of these movements that we allow to ignore them. This is why loving and respecting black women in public is so important because once we silence our voices to the masses we allow women to become complicit to patriarchy.

 

We must be conscious of the esthetic apartheid that black women and girls have to experience throughout their lives. When you don’t see yourself in a positive light on television, on the radio, within print ads, on runways, and in equal numbers within high places of power you begin to see your self as less moral, intelligent, and beautiful. The dearth of representation in these key areas can have even the strongest woman questioning her own worth. We teach black women to be strong in the face of adversity and oppression, but in most instances we don’t put in that effort to show that they matter for who they are. We can’t critique women who follow a path to find existential acceptance in a form that is appeasing to the standard thinking of man, which in turn may drown out her own values. Who’s really willing to stand up and say, “Black women you matter!” It’s not enough to love black women privately, but it is are moral virtue to stand up in the face of the opposition that shuns them.

 

When we think about the SCLC and SNCC and we don’t talk about the influence and leadership from Ella Baker, we aren’t being honest. We can’t talk about the anti-lynching movement without acknowledging the leadership of Ida B Wells-Barnett. Nannie Helen Burroughs, Mary Church Terrell, Jo Ann Robinson, and many others that gave testimony and put in the work to provide the freedoms that we enjoy, but they somehow go unnoticed when we speak of great Black American figures. It is a mendacious act to ignore the contributions of women that have fought for us while we enjoy the fecundity of fruits that have bestowed for us. While it’s important to shine light on Rosa Parks, it’s very dishonest to coin her as the mother of the freedom movement because it may come off as benevolent, but in reality, it adjudicates and excavates those who fought for our freedom previously, while her contributions are worthy of cogitation and praise, it promotes this notion of black female exceptionalism, instead of showing how ubiquitous black female achievement is. Her act of civil disobedience was exceptional, it does however erase the same act that was done previously by Claudette Colvin, while also shaping the minds as if other women didn’t do extraordinary things for black movements. This however is the result of black men refusing to step down or to the side of their bully pulpits to make room for their female counterparts.

 

The separation of units in the forms of genders reproduces more inequalities, while also gives more power to one group. This is why black female experience is crippled and looked at as absolute in the mainstream construct of how we look at movements and abuse that black people face. These intraracial issues need to demolished and elucidated without us as black men being cantankerous to these changes that need to be made. Men should never assume that we are losing something, by giving power to women. We can’t only acknowledge blackness when a male face is at the forefront of the movement or when it’s a male face being oppressed. By ignoring our sisters, institutions begin to make these practices natural and they become enacted into the fabric of society in subtle ways that are easily hidden, but prominent. We must quantify our appreciation for women in public like we do our men, and we must do it without expecting an award for doing what is morally expected. We can’t look at it as criminal to ask black men to recognize black women in the midst of struggle because it may come off as divisive, by doing that  it is critical to note that we are deeming black women as second class citizens. Black men must not be looked at as being seated first class in the plane of struggle because even when the plane crashes everyone dies. We must allow these fresh ideas of femininity to live inside of their own dreams. We must birth possibilities and impregnate them with new ideas. When black men are fighting for the lead and control we are doing a disservice to the movement, by only caring about the image on the frontpage. Sometimes when we preach change with black men as the focal point we allow black women to stay indebted, whether if it’s for the fight against police brutality, education, the prison industrial complex, poverty, or simply by individual recognition.

 

Once you devalue her life you devalue yourself because she is responsible for your life. Society will not advance until we stop and realize that we need to praise and have a pragma type of love for the women that not only birthed us, but the women who birthed this world.