Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Don't Be The Friend Who Didn't Make It

In life, it's a blessing to go through your life with your same core of friends that knew you before you fully developed into the current you. With all these graduations occurring from those advancing from Pre-K to those obtaining advanced degrees it makes you wonder which friend didn't make it and stopped before he/she reached their full potential. 

In life, especially in America we all may not have access to the same opportunities, but we all (those without mental/physical limitations) have control over our drive and dedication to accomplishing the unexpected and not falling into a state of complacency. The old cliché of, "birds of a feather flock together" can came off as un-true in a particular circumstance and that's when we examine the friend that didn't make it. 

Their is always at least one friend who settled, and didn't live up to what they could have been. While your friends went to college or followed their dreams in whatever arena they may be in, you settled for the nice 12-15$ hour job, or working multiple jobs in the upwards of 50-70 hours a week. Your financial situation may seem as it's flourishing, but you aren't happy and satisfied where life is going. You're at a job where you don't have much independent flexibility, you're tired constantly, and you don't see much progression, but the friends you've grown up with are starting to graduate, attend graduate schools, and are seeing the dreams that they followed begin to take off.

Look in the mirror then look at your friends from a distance and ask yourself, "how did I become the friend that didn't make it?" Mind you success can equate to monetary value, individual utility, or the number of lives you've motivated to do better. At the end of the day you define success, but a life where you have doubts about missed opportunities is one that can be looked at as wasted. When choosing the people who you allocate your time with you can either pick friends that'll motivate you to do more, or you can choose individuals who do want to amount to much and will make you look better. 

As long as your name isn't on the obituary page you still have a chance to create legacy, opportunity, history not only for others, or your family, but ultimately yourself. When people say your name, your job title, or the number of children you have shouldn't be followed by a period, but a comma. Others should be able to read your resume on the fly, when you make an entrance an introduction shouldn't be needed, because you're already known. While the ones you grew up with are creating legacies for their name and doing what most won't, don't be stuck falling into the hopeless, complacent, and forgotten majority.

Aspire to be better, don't settle for what they will give you, but go after the things that they are reluctant to share. 


Thursday, May 16, 2013

A Woman's Life Through Sit-Coms

I'm not sure why, but I have this obsessive issue where I always seem to judge women by characters from the movie Soul Food, or popular black sit-coms. It would be ignorant for me to think I could do a substantial job generalizing women through this forum, but it's only entertainment. 

Claire Huxtable - Is the best of the best. To be compared to her you have to be at least 35. She had the career, but isnt work 12 hours daily. She was a housewife, but she wasnt soley responsibile for cooking, cleaning, and watching the kids. She changed the way a wife is looked at, she changed it to mean oartner. She had the 50/50 relationship with her husband, she upgraded her spouse to be better than expected. She's a woman admired by her peers and those younger, she's accomplished much, but her story is far from finished. 

Denise Huxtable- She's the girl who listens to Badu on the regular and smokes Reggie. She constantly filling your newsfeed with talks of world harmony, finding yourself and loving yourself. She gives off the whole I don't shave vibe. 

Hilary Banks - Is the one who you'll probably never settle down with, or she'll get married to an athlete or rapper, but divorce is in the near future. She's the friend who's bougie in a good way, but may come off as stuck up. She's the friend that never graduated, had so much potential but never made it. She's the trophy girlfriend, but nothing more. She's good for insight on partying and fashion.

Whitley Gilbert - Is the educated version of what Hillary Banks should have been. She's accustomed to everything of high standard. Even though money and monetary don't impress she won't lower her standards to accommodate yours. She puts love over money, but she wants stability. For the driven man who's always looking to excel she's the perfect compliment. 

Maxine (Living Single) she was the feminist that had the sex drive of Wilt. She was pro black and she refused to let anyway diminished who she was. She motivates self conscious women to love them selves first.

Florida Evans - I don't want to categorize her as just a wife, but she makes up a lot of the women in black America. She's not to be degraded, but she's a victim of circumstance and lack of opportunity. She will always be loyal, trustworthy, and submissive to a hardworking man. As a woman she does the necessary to take care of herself and home. If she needs to work 2-3 job she will because quit is not in her vocabulary, but due to circumstance and lack of opportunity she falls into that area of reproduced poverty, but she always wants more and expects differently for her seeds.

Pam (Martin) - she is basically your stereotypical angry black woman. Many will say she suffers from Negro Bed Wench syndrome. No matter what you do she is never satisfied. She wants to the out of town trips, Brazilian weave, and expensive bags. She wants more from a man than she can offer as a woman. She's a class hoodrat, she's the definition of boughetto. 

Terri (Soul Food) - She's basically the one who made it from nothing, but feels the need to let everyone know. She portrays her life to be grand on Instagram, but her life is really in shambles when you see past the fake smiles. She values success in dollars and not happiness. 

Bird (Soul Food) - the one who settled. She could have had better, but decided to live as a U- Haul pulling someone else forward.

Cousin Faith - majority of the people who go to hood clubs weekly just for something to do. People like her have decreased the value of their vagina. Women like her sit on Facebook daily gossiping and looking for an opportunity to turn-up. Her kids see their grandma as more of a motherly figure. 



 



 

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Turn Down For What

"Turn-up" Action Verb 1 a: To rise to a level of which you're not accustomed.

For the most part majority of us like to believe that we execute complete free-will over the things that we do and that we aren't influenced by outside factors. Hip-Hop has seem to have taken residence in popular music, on not just a national scale, but a global one. For a genre that is approaching its 40th birthday the movement that I love and many other seems to do as well is refusing to act its age.

This culture has this fixation with living on the edge and doing destructive things to themselves that may intially feel good, but we seem to ignore the thought process of taking the time to think what is good for ourselves. We have conditioned ourselves to be a collective that lives to turn-up on the weekend by partying ourselves to an early demise. We've taken society's predetermined revelation that we aren't destined to live by 25, literally. We don't understand that this whole "live it like your last day," is really bringing us closer to our last day.

This obsession with popping pills, taking excessive amounts of alcohol in short periods of time, syrup sipping and etc is leading to our early demise and like hip-hop is keeping us in a infantile state of mind. As a people we must look in the mirror and tell ourselves that it's time to grow up and starting being adults and treat our bodies with more responsibility. 

Do you really want to be the age of 2 Chainz still sending messages on social media asking where's the drank, pills, and the turn-up spot for the weekend? If you don't know what to turn down for ask your liver, brain, heart, and most importantly your future. We are already losing too many of our people to incarceration, poverty, gang violence, AIDS, and diabetes, lets not add the "Turn-Up" to that list. 

The Art of Settling

Mandatory minimums, how many of us have them, or implement those standards when we decide to distribute our time to others? A lot of us seem to accommodate the standards we set for people just because they seem to provide initial happiness in our lives, but we fail to foresee if they can provide longevity to our lives.

God bless the mother of Smokey Robinson because she told him the art of shopping around,  not just for the best bargain, but for someone who can provide you the greatest value. It's essential that you ask yourself, "what can they do for me?" Attractiveness gets our attention initially, but what are those things that keep us drawn to that person over time? Why are you limiting yourself to something that is substandard when it is placed in comparison to you? If you followed the blueprint of a Clair or Heathcliff why are you settling down with a James or Florida?  

We as a people need to understand that in most cases that if you deal with someone you deem as your equal life will be much more joyous down they road, and it'll be less hectic. If you got your 125 credits and your working on your masters, law/med school, or even chasing that doctorate then you've already establish the lane that your in. Why move out of the fast lane to get off on an exit to someone that's 25 and still living for the weekend, chasing corner bar harlots, or concerned with their side bets that they've place on Maury paternity results. If you and your #him/#her are not pushing you to be a better more well rounded person then you are setting your self up short. No matter the outer appearance and how funny they may come across can you see yourself settling down with someone that only wants to talk about, "partying & fashion?" 

When you've been traveling to different parts of the globe and been cultivated with the knowledge of different cultures why limit yourself to people that only knows about a  Chic-Fil-A that is being built in a nearby suburb. The term dealing with your equals does not mean that they have to meet a minimum income attainment, it refers to someone who has the same aspirations and drive that pushes you forward. They should be able to jump start your battery when your engine dies and keep you moving. Your life should not tell a story of you being a U-Haul moving someone else forward. 

After the first meeting and a few key standards abandoned you may have a smile, but foresee 5, 10, 20 years from now, can you honestly see yourself happy? Don't spend your whole life trying to keep someone happy, look for someone who can consistently keep you looking for ways to improve yourself so you can keep up with them and not bring them to down your level.